They should call this place…Briberzijan

Hello from Baku, Azerbaijan. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have made it here tonight. Which is a surprise, as all I wanted to do was leave this place ASAP! Many hours earlier I was sitting on the side of a very dusty road on top of a pile of gravel, in the scorching sun, wondering if the police planned to ever come back with my (and Jean’s) international drivers license. They didn’t. Apparently you’re not allowed to ask for directions on private property, get their approval to turn around and safely re-enter the roadway.  Uh, Right. I’ll get back to that one later.

Let’s recap the past 24 hours. The Georgian\Azerbaijan border was brutal for all. It took nearly 2 hours  for 12 cars to inch through the border and then another 4 hours to process the cars. Jean, Brian and our friend Justin from team Just a Steppe Away, had the pleasure of having to deal the border police throughout that time. At least that was somewhat interesting and were in the shade! The rest of us had to stand behind a rust covered steel gate that was managed by the military. Standing and waiting in the 100+ heat doing pretty much nothing . At least I had Kayne and Christine to hang with. Also, one or two friendly and curious locals wondering what ethnicity I was. This has been common now. When I mention my family is from India, they all light up and tell me how nice Indian people are and that they love Indian films. Some of them even mimic their favorite actors by dancing. I wish the police were as engaging.

We finally make it through and the roads are amazing when compared to those in Georgia. The highways were like an interstate back home. There were no sign postings, but I was doing about 55mph when all of a sudden a police car going the opposite direction indicates for me to pull over. So, I did.  Justin and Jean pull ahead and over, but for some reason the police are interested in them. They call up someone who speaks English and hands the phone to Justin. Many calls and dialogue later, they want $200 USD on the spot for speeding. The speed limit is apparently 40mph on the highway. That must be the forigner speed limit as the locals are going 65 mph. $150 later, we’re apparently on our way. This was the first 15 minutes of being here.

We spent the the next 30 minutes looking for a gas station that will take USD or credit cars. Both of which should be easily available. Not so…the locals are super friendly however and helped us change our money rather easily at a local market. Speaking of which, everywhere we go they all wave, honk and flash their lights to say hello. They really are nice people. We found a Ramada hotel and they were extermely generous to us there as well. We spent the night there as our options were limited and the roads were turning for the worse.

Next morning we’re on the road bright and early. 30 minutes into our journey, we approach a police check point (common every 20 miles or so) when I’m told to pull over again! It couldn’t be speeding, the roads were so bad that I was doing 15mph! For some reason they ask Brian to step out and take him inside to explain that we ran a stop sign on the highway. Yes, you read that correctly, a stop sign on the highway. I can’t help giggling as I type that. What wasn’t funny is that they told Brian they wanted $50 USD. Then apparently his colleague comes in and now is throwing out numbers like $200-$300 for all three cars running this sign. We all get out and Brian explains that he wants to see this sign. Yes, show us this sign. As far as the eye can see, no one is stopping. As each car passes by, I keep saying….ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket, ticket….yet no one is getting pulled over. Just us. Brian is allover him about this. Before I know it, he gives Brian the papers back and that tell him to get out of here. Gladly.

30 min later - I go around a roundabout. I suspect that we made an error and pull into a private lot to ask the contruction workers standing there. They confirm and indicate to turn around there. We do, when low and behold we’re being tailed by 2 cop cars. They tell us to pull over. Take my license, take Jean’s somehow and then starts writing me a ticket. They were playing bad cop – bad cop. I’m from New Jersey, I know how that game is played. The rules suck cause the cops are the only ones that win. Are we in AzerbiJersey or something? One of them made an attempt to explain what I did wrong and before I know it his partner, is trying to get me to sign a citation with a 150USD fine. I refused and simple asked to show me what the correct thing was to do, or just explain it to me. That wasn’t an option. I asked if I can speak to someone who speaks English. He refuses, tells his partner to get in and off they go with our licenses. We’re in shock, we wait, wait, wait. I watch this scrappy dog approach the car on the roadway, tired he takes comfort in the shade of my rear bumper. Funny. I decide to do the same and take a seat on top of a pile of gravel, waving back at all the people saying hello. 20 min later the cops drive by and indicate to the team that they are turning around. They never did. We waited, waited and we just decided to leave. Our Washington licenses are good enough, but I ask Brian to drive as I’m  clearly marked.

An hour later, we approach another check point and told to pull over. This cop is completely fixated on Jean. Takes all our car documents and is harassing Jean that she doens’t have an international drivers license and operating the car. He’s got Christine’s license and keeps telling Jean he wants hers etc. She explains it was taken by the police, but he seems dismissive. He has her going back to his car and asks to take her to a restaurant or something. She refuses. He asks all of us too, we all refuse. Before I know it, he’s in Jean’s car and asking for the keys to drive the car. He tells Brian and Jean to get in and we’re now all following them to restaurant. 2 min later we’re in a very small room he’s asked to play musical chairs at a table, drink tea, asked to take pictures with him, as he writes a police report for the ‘lost’ license. He wants to know all this personal stuff about us and keeps insisting that Jean will have to spend the night in the town while the others go on to Baku. Over my dead body. Over all over our dead bodies. 90 min later he gets to the point. 145 USD and you can go. It was so shady, we didn’t know if that would happen, but he made a critical mistake and put down her license and handed the car papers back. We now had all the documents in our hands. Long story short…Brian pays  $120MAT (I50 USD or so) and he lets us go. Almost. He stops their car again, and is making calls…when a tour bus comes and hands hime these two papers. I see this in my rear view mirror and I’m in shock. He hands  Jean her international driver’s license that was taken 40 miles back. It’s like he didn’t know that mine was taken and is anxious  to to give mine back. He walks up and shows it to me. He is laughing and I let him know that he’s a ’smart one’ so to speak. He tries going for our MP3 player asking for that as payment for it. Christine is driving and I tell him to keep it. He’s shocked. I let him know that I didn’t need. He says, Baku? I tell him that she’s going to drive from now on…I’m going to sleep and i don’t need it. He laughs, I do as well and offer to shake his hand. As he does, I grab my licesne.  He looks at it, I let him know how ’smart’ he is, he enjoys that and I tell Christine to go. They are all in on it! Arrgh. We were left alone after that and drove very slowly to Baku. Your lands are and people are beautiful, but i’m done with you Briberzijan.